36 Days . . . Really?

I admit that I'm fat. It's unavoidable. Every time I pass a mirror or (try to) bend over I can't help but notice the large bump stuck to the front of my body. But, honestly, I feel fine.

Over on the BirthCenter community boards, the other women due in July (most of them weeks after me) sound as if they're about to pop. They've had pre-term labor, Braxton-Hicks contractions, lost their mucus plugs, ruptured their membranes, or are just all around miserable. I haven't even had any swelling. Sometimes I just lurk on the boards and feel guilty.

So today I'm just over five weeks from my "guess" date and I feel completely normal. At some point I guess it will really sink in that this kid has to come out . . . I predict a panic attack in my near future, but for now . . . I'm fine. :-)

38 Days

This pregnancy has not been without its moments of stress from the very beginning. Here are the highlights:

• My doctor tried to "cancel" my second cycle. An ultrasound had revealed four mature eggs--something I thought was a very good sign. To my doctor that spelled "quadruplets."
• The day after my positive test, my dog Harriet passed away suddenly.
• Of course, after my positive test, I then had to wait another two weeks to confirm that there was only one little lima bean-shaped entity in there.
• My regular OB decided that during an internal exam was the appropriate time to tell me that I was hopelessly emotional and should find another doctor.
• My relationship with my mother became increasingly strained after I made out my will--not naming her guardian of my unborn child--and we're now almost completely estranged.
• The alternative birthing center I switched my care to decided to close five weeks before my due date.
• After spending the weekend in a hotel room with four dogs I arrived home to find that all of the shelves in my walk-in closet had collapsed. What a mess.

Luckily my friends have been supportive through the ups and downs. :-)

How did we get here?

Through my teenage years and into my early twenties I was fairly sure that I would never have children. This was due in no small part to the arrival, just before my 14th birthday, of my little brother. While, as little brothers go, he actually wasn't that bad, the death of my stepfather eight months later and my grandmother's subsequent spiral into ill health meant that way too much of his care landed at my feet.

Finally escaping the family home at the ripe old age of 21, I was immediately consumed with graduate school and a demanding career. It was several years before I came up for air and began to question the direction my life was taking. Over the next few years I made changes in my life and career. There were no more 12 hour work days running on office snacks and caffeine and I escaped the cubicle jungle for good. Unfortunately, one necessary component of the family I'd begun dreaming about never materialized. While I dated on and off--even resorting to both online and offline dating services--I still had absolutely no luck finding a long-term partner.

Approaching 30, I began to realize that drastic measures may be required. I had two options, as I saw it. I could either "settle" on a less-than-perfect partner and lower my standards or I could decide to go it alone, as an increasing number of women were starting to do. I looked into both options. If I did decide to become a single parent there were a variety of methods available, including adoption and artificial insemination.

My decision was based on timing. I knew from my mother's experience--she was almost 40 when she had my brother--that I did not want to have a child after 35. Therefore, I needed to prioritize my options accordingly. While I would much prefer to have a child with a partner--even one who wasn't my "soul mate"--I couldn't wait forever if I wanted a biological child. And after much soul searching, I realized that I did. I decided to put adoption on the back burner for the time being. While I was open to the idea, I realized it wasn't my first choice.

I began to approach relationships with a much more open mind. I dated several men who I would have immediately turned down in my twenties and concentrated instead on the attributes that I thought would make a good husband and father. Two years later I was no closer to finding a partner and instead had discovered that homely men who aren't good in bed can lie and cheat just as well as good-looking men who are. It was time to explore option number two.

Needless to say, I would not be here today if Plan B had not worked much better than Plan A. On Friday, October 13th, 2006 I underwent my second IUI attempt at a local fertility clinic. IUI stands for Inter-Uterine Insemination and involves a nurse and a very long, narrow tube. It takes about a minute and is much easier and less messy than "the old fashioned" way. It's also relatively cheap compared to the much more involved IVF treatments that you hear about on the news.

On Sunday, October 29th I went in for my official test. When the receptionist asked me how I was, I replied, "Knocked up, I think!" And I was.

Now i'm just waiting for Augusta Jane . . .

41 Days

It's Friday, May 25th, and I just can't believe how quickly time has gone by. It seems just yesterday I was sitting in the waiting room at the fertility clinic while some unknown tech defrosted Mr. 2485. Now I can feel my baby move and SEE her move under the skin of my stomach. I still have Signorney Weaver moments, but I'm finally getting used to having another person inside of me--just in time for her to make her big exit. I can't wait to hold her in my arms.